Chapter 5 — Insomnia (Numb in an Anonymous Embrace)

“Help! Take me instead. Not my family!” The hysterical screams continued to haunt me. Thunder roared in the silent darkness, ringing in my ears until they felt dead. A suffocating night.

My body felt restrained, my chest struck. My legs were pulled so hard that I stumbled. Screaming, I woke up from the nightmare.

“He—help!” My sister shrieked. This was not a dream.

I ran out of the room, nearly tripping in the hallway. My feet leaped down the stairs. Entering the room, I was shocked to see my sister seizing on the bed. Her lips were foaming, just like Mother’s used to.

“Sis, wake up!” I shouted, slapping her cheeks repeatedly.

Her hair was soaked with sweat. Her body moved rapidly. Her face was deathly pale. I grabbed my phone to call Mr. Orion, but his number was inactive. Sitting on the bed, I sobbed, my hands still tapping her arms.

“Sis, I beg you. Wake up, Sis.” Unable to hold back, I let all my emotions pour out. My face was a mess, drenched in heavy tears.

Her gasping breath slowly became rhythmic. I stared closely at her face. Lost in the silence, her eyes began to open.

“Sis? What happened to you?” I wiped my tears, not wanting her to break down seeing me cry.

Ara stared at the ceiling. Waking up, she wiped her face. “I’m fine, Karina.”

Standing up, Ara took some medicine and a bottle from the table. She swallowed the pill and sat in a chair.

“Do you have epilepsy, Sis?” I asked, my breath still shaking, watching her stare blankly at the bottle.

“No. It was just a normal seizure.”

My hand reached for her medicine. It was labeled as insomnia medication. I looked at her brooding face. I feared she had PTSD, like what Mr. Orion taught at school.

“I had a dream. A black creature was dragging our family away. I didn't see who was being tortured. It felt like someone had died....” Ara murmured. Her eyes shimmered with worry. “Could it be Mrs. Dewi?” She looked deep into my eyes.

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Dark clouds shrouded the sun, brewing lightning that devoured the earth. The rain didn't fall, but a restless wind made the birds flutter in anxiety.

I ran. Together with my sister, we headed to Mrs. Dewi’s house. My body shivered, torn by the cold. As my shoes climbed the slope, I almost slipped. My sister held me tight amidst the storm.

Arriving there, we were surprised to see Mrs. Dewi. My sister gave a bitter smile, seeing that she was perfectly fine.

“Ara, what’s wrong?” Mrs. Dewi asked, her brow furrowed. She was sitting in a wheelchair near a flickering campfire.

I followed my sister. Her anxiety was clear even though a smile was plastered on her face. She repeatedly wiped her face, her eyes searching the surroundings.

“Ara... Ara just missed Mother,” a thin voice escaped her lips. She approached Mrs. Dewi, her soul looking empty as she embraced her.

“Who’s here, Mom?”

Turning around, I froze as I looked at Mr. Orion. After yesterday's awkward encounter, we locked eyes again. A large piece of wood was held stiffly in his hand. He looked at me silently. An awkwardness soared high into the sky. A stiff smile was plastered on my face.

“Karina... have you eaten?” he asked as he passed me with a warm smile.

Yesterday... Romantic? Maybe it was only for me.

I sat near the campfire. Wood was neatly arranged among the charcoal, sparking red light that evaporated into warmth. The sides of the corn turned black as they burned in the embers. Strangely, the corn was burning, but it was my heart that felt hot as I watched Mr. Orion look at my sister, who was deeply conversing with Mrs. Dewi.

I didn't like Mr. Orion more than that. It was just the admiration of a student for her wise teacher. On one side, I was happy if Mr. Orion was with Ara; on the other, I felt overwhelmed.

Is this what they call jealousy? The jealousy felt by a seventeen-year-old kid like me? No. Jealousy is almost the same as envy. Envy has a thin line with admiration. I admired Ara. I wanted to be like her.

“This... is for you.”

A cob of corn was handed to me by Mr. Orion. Everything seemed to slow down. I looked at him amidst the flickering flames. His hands were skillful as he turned the corn over the embers.

"Sir... do you like my sister?"

He stared into my eyes for a long time. His brows furrowed slightly as his lips parted, "Why do you ask?"

Adjusting my seat, I hid my face behind the corn. "Nothing, just asking."

Without answering, he rested his hand on my shoulder as he stood up and walked toward the garden.

"I’m going to get more corn," he said. I watched his back, covered in dust and dirt.

"Sis...." Walking toward Ara, I whispered, “Do you like Mr. Orion?”

“Do you like him, Karina?” her voice sounded weak. Her eyes didn't leave the flames.

“No....” I replied expressionlessly. “I noticed Mr. Orion seems to like you. Earlier, while roasting the corn, he looked at you so deeply.”

The embers continued to glow in the silence. The silence was devoured by the wind, and the wind was inhaled by the birds. I didn't know what I was doing. I silenced my lips by biting the corn.

“I’m not good enough for Orion. He is too good for me.”

At the same time, Mrs. Dewi and I looked at my sister. Her eyes stared blankly at the campfire. She rolled up her sweater sleeves for the first time. I just realized Ara had burn scars on her wrist.

“If it weren't for me, we might not all be in this much pain, Karina....” Ara looked pale. “Father died on my graduation day.”

I was shocked. The corn immediately fell from my hand. Not ready to hear the truth about Father’s death, I covered my mouth.

“A terrible accident. On the way to school. I was too happy because I was the class valedictorian, so I invited everyone—including Orion’s family and you, still in the womb. Father was driving. When the car crossed an intersection, a truck suddenly sped through.”

My eyes teared up, and I was speechless. My sister’s blank gaze turned blue as her voice weakened, remembering the incident.

“The side of the car was completely crushed. The engine started smoking until we regained consciousness. However, the only one who didn't wake up was Father. I was too panicked to save myself, without realizing I had sacrificed everyone. Before we knew it, the car exploded and caught fire. I am the cause of it all. Father died, Mother got sick, Mrs. Dewi can't walk—”

“Ara, come here.”

Mrs. Dewi hugged Ara, stopping the bitter memories from overflowing. Her hand stroked my sister’s back. I sobbed in devastation. My eyes burned as if seared by fire.

Mr. Orion arrived, blinking his eyes. Placing the corn beside me, he approached Ara, calming her agitated breathing.

Breaking the hug, Mrs. Dewi looked Mr. Orion in the eye.

“Orion... will you marry Ara?” Mrs. Dewi’s hand held his tightly.

Expressionless, Mr. Orion looked at me and my sister alternately. Looking down, I didn't know what to say.

“Yes, Ma'am. I am willing.”

My world felt like it collapsed on one side.

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Yesterday... If only memories could be erased.

A hot afternoon. After being battered by Scout morse code training, the canteen became a place full of sweaty armpits. I went back to class, turning on the turbo fan. Remembering something, I reached for the jacket under my desk. Looking left and right, my fingers peeled open the small package given by Mr. Orion.

The wrapping came off neatly, and I grinned. A glow of stars combined with the sea decorated the cover. Biology Dictionary. Whose idea was this? Absolutely genius. A giant book condensed into a mini dictionary—truly, I was amazed.

Opening the first page: Constellation Edition, my favorite. How did Mr. Orion know?

Each page was filled with pictures and titles above them. A familiar name immediately caught my eye. Ara: ‘Your Sister XD.’ I chuckled reading the small note. Idly searching for the letter C, my smile widened.

Carina: ‘The Giver of Affection.’

Searching the middle page, I stared at the Orion constellation. Truly beautiful.

"Whoa!"

Startled, I instinctively held my stomach; my heart almost skipped a beat. Dimas, the culprit, was laughing hysterically at the doorway.

"Are you reading some porn comic?" he asked with his typical mischievous face.

"Where would you find a porn comic this small?" I grinned.

Dimas sat in front of my desk. Peeking, his eyes widened.

"Do you have a crush on Mr. Orion?"

"No," I replied expressionlessly.

His mouth hung open, thinking of something. "Oh, does Orion mean a constellation? I thought Orion is in the kitchen?"

"Onion."

"Oh right, I forgot...." He fell silent for a moment, then a second later, he started again. "Hey, it’s a match! Isn't Karina a constellation too? Are you soulmates?"

I didn't answer. Leaving the class, he followed me with a racket on his back. His PE clothes were soaked just like mine. Idly, I took out the origami he threw yesterday; 'duck' was written on the wing.

“This is a bird. Why is it written 'duck'?” I asked, curious.

“Just because....” he replied as he walked through the hallway. “Hm... do you want to play 'ducks' with me?” he asked hesitantly, stifling a smile.

“Huh?” I was confused.

“You’re a duck. I’m a duck. So we play ducks... I like ducks,” he explained, making me even more confused.

Getting no answer, he sighed. The teacher's room door opened, and he waved to Mr. Orion.

“Sir, take care of Karina, okay?” Bowing respectfully, he tapped my shoulder. “Take good care of my duck, Sir.”

I turned, watching Dimas walk away casually. Unknowingly, Mr. Orion walked ahead of me. Holding my bag strap tightly, I chased after him.

“Sir... are you going to let me do the tutoring?” My dusty shoes followed his black ones.

Mr. Orion didn't answer, he kept walking.

"What if I help you teach the tutoring class? It's okay if the pay is small, Sir... it’s good for experience."

My words were only carried away by the wind.

I overtook him. His shoes stopped as I stood on my tiptoes. I took half the stack of books from his arms.

"Let me help you, Sir." I smiled.

We continued walking. After a few steps, I realized he wasn't following. Turning around, I saw his silent expression.

"If you keep helping me, I’ll get comfortable." He exhaled as he looked me straight in the eye.

I chuckled.

"Comfortable ordering me around, Sir?" I joked. But he didn't laugh.

"I’m used to being the class a little dwarf, Sir, also known as the helper."

Without answering my joke, his Adam's apple moved up and down, and he walked side by side with me.

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The stars in the sky winked playfully at the clouds. Their light embraced the neon lamps at the bus stop. Blue-purple—Aish! How romantic. It made me smile to myself. Laughter flew with the wind after finishing the middle school tutoring session.

"Is it cold, Karina?" Mr. Orion's melodious voice echoed in my ears. Followed by the sweet dimples on his cheeks that left me spellbound.

Ah! So beautiful. The moon seemed to drown in his face. My nose flared as I held back my embarrassment. His hands were tucked in his jacket pockets. My hands were acting up restlessly, rubbing together seeking warmth.

Stifling the exhaustion amidst the night. Various sorrows were carried away by words. Coldness surged within my feelings. Closing the distance to share warmth. My heart beat fast as his shoes also drew closer.

It felt like rabbits were hopping inside my heart. He stood so close. I could even smell his scent. Aih! The scent of mint.

He bowed his head. A crescent smile couldn't be hidden on his face. He repeatedly looked at me, making me feel shy. A stiff smile was plastered on my face. Until he leaned down. His face peeked playfully right in front of mine. Expressionless, I froze. Sighing, he smiled and moved away.

The bus headlights approached; for some reason, I felt uneasy as the bus doors opened quickly.

Throughout the bus ride, my life felt silent. We sat far apart even though we were the only passengers. Why sit separately?

Bored, I stared blankly out the bus window. Full of the colors of adult faces busy working. I hoped I could be like them soon.

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