Chapter 2 — The Passing of Parents (Numbness in the Shelter of Mutual Gaze)

—The passing of parents strengthens me, it doesn't weaken me. I’ve come to appreciate everything and time more. Planning everything early because the probability for those who are prepared is surely greater than those who are not, Libra said to Karina. They were only sixteen years old.—

The drizzle seeped in cold, causing a tingling sensation in my feet as I stood on the platform, waiting for a train that never seemed to arrive. I looked around anxiously for my sister, who had disappeared somewhere to buy cup noodles.

The train arrived with a thick cloud of smoke from the chimney, stinging my blinking eyes, its loud noise ringing in my ears. My body was pushed inside among the crowd, the bitter scent of sweat soaking my jacket. Jostled together, I could barely breathe.

“Karina.”

“Libra.”

Surprised, my smile widened as I met Libra. Our outfits were in sync, as if we were heading to war. Thick black layers complete with scarves and gloves to prevent the wind from tearing through us.

“How are you?” was the first question he chose as we parted the crowd, looking for a seat. We sat facing each other.

“I'm good, and you?” I asked back while taking off my gloves.

“Not bad.” He exhaled, shoving his hands into his pockets, a sliver of a smile gracing his face.

It had been a month since I last saw him; I missed him dearly. Since his father passed away, he had been very busy participating in Youth Scientific Paper competitions. Winning in various provinces and even internationally, bringing home trophies and millions in prize money. He worked hard on his own at the age of sixteen, supporting his deaf mother; I was so proud of him.

He looked at me serenely. That gaze again—the one that always made me feel flustered.

“I’m sorry I couldn't make it to your mother's funeral,” he said so sincerely. “I was about to head home then, but there was a follow-up announcement for the competition.”

I swallowed hard, speechless. “She has flown with the clouds. No need to bring it up anymore,” I said with a faint smile.

Suddenly, he pulled a small keychain from his pocket. “I found this on the road. When I saw it, I thought of you, Karina.”

“For real, or is this just a wholesale gift?” I asked playfully. My "cat whiskers" dimples were probably blooming.

My hand reached for a mini ball filled with star beads. When pressed, the ball glowed brightly, projecting images of constellations: Ara, Karina, Libra, Orion. Even a biology glossary was written there. Every time it was rubbed, the image changed, followed by a final inscription: ‘So we can compete healthily in school.’

My cheeks puffed out, my smile messy and uncontrollable. How could he give such a cute gift? It made me want to keep studying just to see that glowing glossary ball.

“Oh my goodness, here you are.”

Startled, we turned—finding Ara and Mr. Orion with five cup noodles in hand.

The open cup noodles were served on the table, the steam wafting up, making my nose twitch. Ara was busy slurping while my fork twirled the curly noodles, just as Mr. Orion choked on his water, followed by Libra’s thin laughter.

“Who is the last one for?” I asked, confused, seeing an untouched cup.

“Ratna, she’s still in the restroom.”

“Oh.” I adjusted my scarf, preventing the cold from nipping at my neck.

“Oh, here’s the one from the restroom. Watch out, the smell might waft around,” Libra quipped as Ratna arrived, earning a nudge to his arm and a tissue box thrown at his head.

Ratna sat next to Libra and placed the tissue box on the table. Accidentally, the box nudged my noodles until they spilled, soaking my skirt. I was bathed in hot curry broth. My knees turned red, but I held it in until they felt numb.

“Sorry,” she said, panicking as she tried to wipe my knees with her jacket. Quickly, I grabbed a tissue from the table.

“It’s okay,” I said, pressing the tissues against the wet table and my knees.

“What rank did you guys get?” I asked as small talk while drying my skirt.

“First place,” Ratna answered with a wide grin.

Amazed, I shared their joy. I quickly shook her hand firmly, then Libra’s, and Mr. Orion’s. To the point where Mr. Orion chuckled, almost choking again because I shook his arm so hard.

“Why are you two taking the train?” Mr. Orion asked, a smile still framing his face, looking back and forth between me and Ara.

“Attending a friend's wedding,” Ara said, her lips lifting slightly.

“When are you getting married?” Mr. Orion asked. His lips curled up; I almost burst out laughing. What kind of small talk was this? Were they flirting?

“You’re already thirty-one, you know,” Mr. Orion added jokingly.

“Haven’t found the right one yet. If I don't get married, that’s fine too. Don't force it,” Ara replied calmly.

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My shoes climbed a steep path filled with cow dung, toward Libra’s house at the edge of the hill. I hugged the parcel tighter. I didn't let go, fearing the 'roti buaya' (crocodile bread) would wash away into the river.

I slipped, my body tumbling, hanging onto the slanting green grass because my shoes glided on the dung. I almost fell. However, my hand was gripped firmly, and my jacket got caught on a mossy rock.

“Are you okay?”

I swallowed hard as I looked up. Our eyes met. Mr. Orion’s worried face, hit by the glare of the sun, made my pulse feel like it stopped. Not to mention his comma hair blowing in the wind made my arms feel numb.

“Sir, help me, Sir....” Looking down, I suddenly became afraid of heights. “I’m not ready to die yet, Sir.” I cried.

My eyes were tightly shut as my hand was pulled hard, making my lips twitch when my body finally reached the top. Opening my eyes, I was shocked. It was so easy for Mr. Orion to pull me up—was I too thin or was he just too strong?

“There, there, don't cry.”

Mr. Orion folded the sleeves of his sweater. The thick fabric wiped my cheeks, erasing the trails of tears. The wind blew hard, tossing strands of my hair and his. The view of the sunset hiding behind the mountains became the backdrop for this lightning moment. My cheeks heated up. What kind of feeling was this? Why was my heart doing aerobics?

“What’s wrong?” Mr. Orion asked, confused, looking at me as I stood frozen.

Snapping out of it, I hugged the bread tightly.

“Nothing, Sir. I thought someone washed away just now.” I stammered, looking around at the river. I played dumb, saying someone washed away. In reality, it was my heart that had washed away.

“Where are you going, Sir?” I asked, changing the subject.

Mr. Orion walked. His black shoes preceded my murky shoes, stepping on the wet grass.

“I’m going to Libra’s house.”

“Oh, we’re of one heart—I mean, going to the same place,” I corrected awkwardly.

“Well, we were invited on the train,” Mr. Orion replied, making me nod.

Arriving at Libra’s house, Mrs. Gita welcomed us. The crocodile bread changed hands to hers. I nodded with a smile.

“A gift from my sister's hospital,” I said, which was met with a bright grin.

“Oh, you’re here?”

Libra appeared from behind a curtain, carrying a large frying pan filled with seasoned chicken. The steam billowed. The savory aroma made my nose twitch. Hurrying over, I helped him finish up.

Dirty plates piled up. The bottle of melon syrup was emptied until not a drop remained. We sat on the rocks outside the house, watching the sunset transition into night.

“Does this mean 'metal'?” I asked as Libra folded my middle and ring fingers, leaving three fingers pointed up.

“No, this means... I love you.”

I nodded repeatedly, then showed the metal sign to Mrs. Gita. It was truly wonderful to learn sign language.

Mr. Orion stood up from his seat, taking his sweater and gloves hanging on a tree.

“Sir, where are you going?” I asked curiously.

“I’m heading home, it’s late,” he replied, smiling at me and Libra in turn.

I nodded. His feet stepped slowly away toward the hall. My family was used to community cooperation with neighbors at night, so I wasn't afraid to be left alone.

“I think I like Mr. Orion,” I said to Libra, who was sitting on a rock below.

His eyes widened momentarily. However, a sliver of a smile framed his face. His hand adjusted the scarf around his neck. “Oh.”

“But it’s just admiration,” I added honestly.

Without a word, Libra folded my finger again, leaving only the index finger, then poked it into my nose.

Unknowingly, the night grew later under the beautiful crescent curve. Our laughter soared, flying with the restless wind.

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