Chapter 1 — The Black Handkerchief (Numb in an Anonymous Embrace)

Two years ago, when I was only fifteen....

The doors of the funeral home were wide open. Black clothing filled the room. Many neighbors came to mourn the passing of Mr. Orion's father. Including me, representing my family.

My family and Mr. Orion's family are very close. We often help one another. Mr. Orion was also a childhood friend of Kak Ara, my older sister. However, because Kak Ara was busy working and my mother was sick, I came alone.

Truly. I was deeply saddened to see Mr. Orion's condition. His eyes were puffy, his body thin and gaunt as if from exhaustion. Mr. Orion rose from his seat. Stepping away from the crowd, he stood pensive and alone in a corner. Remembering that he was now an orphan like me moved my heart.

So, I approached him.

"Sir, you are allowed to cry, Sir." I handed him my black handkerchief. I was afraid that words I didn't mean would slip from my lips.

Mr. Orion remained still, not moving an inch. I was confused about what to say to change his mood. Clutching my shawl, my voice trembled just trying to encourage him.

"At least you can be grateful because you got to meet your father," I said softly, causing his Adam's apple to bob up and down.

His tired, red eyes met mine. "Why should I be grateful?"

"Compared to me, who never met my father." I tried to smile.

"You think I should be grateful for losing my father?" he asked.

My heart was struck; my body felt cursed. My lips felt bitter just trying to smile.

"Do you think this life only revolves around you?" Mr. Orion's final words pierced my ears.

From that moment on, the door to Mr. Orion's house remained tightly shut. He left the house with his mother without any word, and I deeply regretted my choice of words.

Six months passed without news. Then, the bus doors opened wide. The hustle and bustle of people drenched in the midday sun met my eyes. By chance, my eyes met Mr. Orion's again. Separated by the bus window, we looked at each other. He and his mother were struggling to get off the bus.

"Let me help you, Sir." I helped Mr. Orion as he struggled to push his mother's wheelchair down from the stop.

When the wheels touched the ground, Mr. Orion smiled in relief as he looked at me. I did the same. Many sentences crowded my mind. However, not a single one was spoken. We simply looked at each other with smiles, without exchanging a word.

"Dear, come stop by the house first," his mother pleaded with a sincere smile. Both of her hands gently stroked mine. Truly, I couldn't bring myself to refuse.

It was a neat wooden-walled house. Rugs and books were arranged symmetrically. A cup of hot tea was served with a few napkins. I took off my gloves.

Sitting face-to-face with Mr. Orion made me awkward. His mother had just fallen asleep in the bedroom. I didn't know what to say to him; I was afraid of saying the wrong thing again.

"Karina."

"Sir."

We spoke the single word at the same time, and a small laugh drifted toward the sky. Mr. Orion invited me to speak first. However, I insisted he go ahead.

Taking a breath, Mr. Orion said, "Karina, I apologize. My words were too harsh back then—"

"No, Sir. I'm the one who should apologize for being wrong..." I cut him off. "I should have been more sympathetic about your father. I am truly sorry, Sir."

Mr. Orion went silent upon hearing my words. His eyes grew misty for a moment, but he blinked it away. Swallowing hard, he looked into my eyes for a second.

"It has flown away with the clouds. Let's not bring it up again." He exhaled. I took a breath while looking at him intently.

Putting on my gloves, I changed the subject, "Where did you go without any news? My mother sends her regards."

"I became a coach for the psychology Olympiad out of town. Sorry I didn't have time to get in touch... Oh, right, which high school did you get into, Karina?" Mr. Orion asked back, just to keep the conversation going.

"I got into High School 3, Sir," I replied with a faint smile.

His eyebrows arched in surprise. "What major are you taking?"

"Science, Sir."

"Watch out for biology or subjects like psychology and sociology. That means you'll be seeing me often. I'm a 'killer' teacher, you know." Mr. Orion chuckled while stirring his tea.

Surprised to hear Mr. Orion labeled a "killer" teacher, I just gave a toothy grin, speechless. The clock on the wooden wall caught my attention. It was 3 PM; I had to hurry home to help my mother.

The warm tea was finished in one gulp. Wiping my lips, I stood up. I said goodbye to Mr. Orion and his sleeping mother.

"Give my regards to your mother and Ara... your sister," Mr. Orion requested, standing at the doorway.

I walked backward while nodding. My hands awkwardly held my shawl.

"Be careful, study hard, and take care of your... self, Karina."

With a toothy smile, I waved my black-gloved hand. A sliver of a smile framed his face. Both of his hands waved vigorously in the air, pulling the corners of my mouth into a laugh.

Without realizing it, my heart was racing as I ran home. It turns out admitting a mistake wasn't as difficult or complicated as I thought.

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